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Real life issues, discussion, and advice

Troubled

#13398860
I really don't know what to do anymore, because trying isn't working for me anyone. My fiance and I are looking for a house and need to find one and move in before May 8 because that is when the lease on his apartment is up. We have looked at maybe a dozen different places that are in our price range, we have put offers on 2 and are still getting no where. I'm sick of looking at houses. I'm sick of falling in love with places only for them to be sold before I can get them. I want to love our first home together. He doesn't care saying "it's our first home, we aren't supposed to love it." He would have us put an offer on a house that is something I dint think I could ever bring myself to love. And since his lease is up in just over a month he has been pushing me to pick something cheap that I don't like at all.
We looked at 4 homes today. I hated all of them. And he just doesn't care, telling me to pick one. I said no and got frustrated with him and hung up on him. He then sends me a text saying we should take a break.
I give up. Trying has gotten me nowhere so I think my only option is to endure as best I can until I find a place I can be happy.
I should also mention that the house will have to be purchased under my name because he has bad credit and I have great credit. So it is really important to me that i like it.

Re: Troubled

#13398861
Trying to find a house to buy is super stressful, especially nowadays. I remember having to look for a house with my dad when I still lived with him. It sucked.
I can definitely see where he's coming from, but if it's going to all be in your name, it is also really important that it's something you like. You two should really sit down, have a really in depth conversation about what you both want and go from there, if you haven't already. Some compromise may be needed on this.
However, is it possible for you guys to find a place to rent instead of buying for the time being? I don't know quite what your situation is, but if you're able to rent then it would help buy you guys some time.

I wish I had better advise to offer and I will keep you in my thoughts. I hope everything works out for you guys in the end! :heart:

Re: Troubled

#13398979
I agree with the rented temporarily idea, this will give you more time to find the home you want.


But also I think you need to think of this from his point of view. I know it'll be under your name and thats why its important to you but he does have a point saying its your first home and it doesn't matter. With your first home I think what matters is just that. Its your first home. together. He's probably not thinking about what he likes and doesn't like in all the homes you've look at but is probably thinking about simply having an official home with you.
To me sometimes its not about where you are but who your with that matters,
especially if its breaking you apart.


Take me for example. I was threatened with homelessness just over two years ago, depression, suicidal (pretty sure my depressing threads are still in this forum somewhere) I had to put myself in some debt simply to get a roof over my head. And i'm still in this crappy place. I'm not in debt anymore, but i'm still here. Not because I want to be but because its what works. There is no hurry for me to get my dream place, I want it but its simply not practical for me to get worked up about not having it. I'll get it eventually, just gotta focus on other things that matter more before that.

Re: Troubled

#13412314
Wow. But congrats though on getting to this point in life. That is pretty exciting! I've heard house hunting can be difficult and long. I watch a lot of shows about that too and they talk about it the same way you have. A lot of the time they like a house a lot and then it gets sold to someone else in the blink of an eye. But then finally there's that magic moment where every puzzle piece gets placed just the way its suppose to for you and everything feels better. Then your goal is achieved.

Re: Troubled

#13412344

☙≔≔★☽★☽☆♰☆♆⩶⩶∗BEAUTIFUL∗⩶⩶♆☆♰☆☾★☾★≕≕❧

@Ruby Gloom : I would love to get an update on this? Did you finally find something?
Or did you go for what the others said and go for a rental temporarily? (It's what I would've done and then take my time to find a different place to buy)

I wished I could buy myself a house. I hate renting! It's kinda ironic, the banks say I can't get a loan because I won't be able to pay it off monthly. But renting is more expensive! (I could qualify for a special loan where I don't need to pay too many additional fees fyi) I actually laughed when they told me that and said "Really? I can't afford 650 a month to pay off my loan, but I can afford 700 to 800 a month for rent? That's just twisted."

☙≔≔★☽★☽☆♰☆♆⩶⩶∗CHAOS∗⩶⩶♆☆♰☆☾★☾★≕≕❧

Re: Troubled

#13414388
@freyate: late reply but I got the house but him and I are no longer together. so I guess you could say we both got what we wanted.

Re: Troubled

#13414397

☙≔≔★☽★☽☆♰☆♆⩶⩶∗BEAUTIFUL∗⩶⩶♆☆♰☆☾★☾★≕≕❧

@Ruby Gloom : I'm sorry to hear about the separation. But I'm still happy you got the house? As long as you have proper housing and you're safe :smiley:

☙≔≔★☽★☽☆♰☆♆⩶⩶∗CHAOS∗⩶⩶♆☆♰☆☾★☾★≕≕❧

Re: Troubled

#13414438
It took my husband and I 7 years before we had our own place we payed for. Our own.

It takes time, and first house you don't always love. I know it's something we all want, but sometimes you have to think of just what's happening the next couple years instead of getting stressed and trying to find the perfect place.

Maybe get somewhere cheap temporary but still keep looking? That way you can save, find the perfect place and have the time to do all this instead of trying to rush it all.

Re: Troubled

#13414648
@Ruby Gloom I hope you went with a house that you liked, then?

I've come to a point where I'm pondering buying a house or an apartment in the next... 3-4 years?
The idea that you don't have to love the first place you buy seems so odd to me, maybe due to pricing? Maybe it's cultural differences?
If I buy a house here, I better love it and love it til the end of my life cause I'll be paying off the loan for almost 40 years.
Sure, one can move out and rent the place out or sell and have someone else continue paying off the loan, but that doesn't seem like the idea of it to me. So if I buy a place now, it better be ready for what I'll want to do with it. Have space for pets or children or leisure or whatever I think I'll want in the future.

If I'm not supposed to love it, I don't need to buy it - renting is enough then.

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