Life dump. - Fri Apr 27, 2018 11:58 am
I choosed to skip over my other health issues, I don’t feel comfortable enough to talk about them like this.
Warning: lots of text and lots of emotions.
When I was a kid I didn’t have it easy, from that I started in kindergarten and up to high school I was bullied for everything. I had the wrong clothes, I talked wrong, I walked wrong, I liked the wrong things, I played with the wrong kids. Everything was just wrong. Worst time of my life was when I started in a new school on 7th grade... a whole new class and of course the only few who moved along from my old class was the worst bullies. Yippie. Then in the very beginning of 8th grade my bullies tried to kill me. Yep. They tried to KILL me. They attempted to push me down the marble stairs, if I hadn’t managed to take a hold onto the railing then I for sure would have broken my neck in that fall. I refused to go to school after that day. I got home schooling that year. Nothing happened with those who tried to kill me. Everything was pushed under the floormat, like usual.
9th grade I started in a small group, I had been promised a quiet group where I could get help to catch up with my English and math mainly. What I really got was the group with the rotten apples no other class wanted to deal with. Hooray. Why did I even trust their words to begin with? But they got what they wanted, I turned into an ‘rotten apple’ myself and cared about no one- even less the idiots called teachers (they could absolute nothing).
At the end of that school year I got to know a girl who was goth, that was amazing. She was absolutely super and we became friends directly. We both started in the same high school later and we ended up in the same class. We did everything together. And I became a goth myself, damn that style are beautiful. Along the way I created my own style and became some kind of weird mixture of other styles. From wanting to hide in too big clothes that didn’t even look good, to me wearing dresses and skirts that for sure made me stand out in the crowd. It was awesome.
Then I finally had catched up and started in a media school, especially photography was my interest. A barely managed two months before I hit the wall and feel down in deep depression. No more school for me. And said friend rather choosed to be with her new boyfriend than friends. I wish that boy to hell....
Took me four years before I was feeling good enough to try anything. I became a case for soc. They gave me a tiny bit of money and in turn I was seen as a free worker who was not allowed to be sick and if they got to decide completely- not be allowed free days at all. They stole five years of my life. As long I was a soc. case I wasn’t allowed to get my own apartment since I didn’t get real payment.
I fell into depression again, I quit that ‘work’. I left soc. and got help to start in a place called for SOT for short. It got money from the state to help people with different issues and who couldn’t have a normal job. It was during this time I finished a long testing about me having Asperger Syndrome. I did have it. Getting that answer made me extremely happy. Like seriously happy. There’s not enough words to describe how happy I really got. I wasn’t stupid. All my life I had felt like a failure, like I was brain dead or something. I was too stupid to learn basic things. Only that I wasn’t stupid. Asperger Syndrome caused it, it wasn’t me being lazy. It just takes me longer to learn certain things.
So from me not getting any help with anything throughout my life, from me not having any rights whatsoever. From me being forced to work like a robot and not being allowed a own place. To.... freedom. That’s what it felt.
Suddenly there are specific laws I’m being protected by. By law I am seen as a pensioner, I am turning 31 this summer. I get money every month that I by law have the right to get and this I will get until I turn 65. MY money. After that I will get real ‘pension money’ which is slightly higher than what I get now. Trust me, I get double the amount now than what I got when being a soc. case and that time I was forced to work Monday-Friday every week to get anything. While now I don’t have to work, I will get the money anyway. I can go to certain p,aces to get the social bit fixed, or if I want I can go work on special groups which are specialized on things I can do. This I currently do three days per week. It’s awesome.
In the beginning of this year I got a contact person, because I asked for one. With this person I can go out shopping, go to the cinema, travel, take walks or whatever we might decide to do. Another social bit taken care of. I don’t like big crowds or take the bus/train. With her I’m less stressed, she knows what to do if I get a panic attack. It’s perfect. We have a lot of fun together.
Only thing still in progress are a apartment, I’m standing in line for one. I’m saving points and hopefully I will have my own cozy place later this year. Oh! And the state also pays my dentist bills, I no longer have to worry about not being able to see the dentist either.
If someone would have told me everything I would get later in life, I wouldn’t have believed them. But guess what? No matter how bad your life might be... it can only get better. Don’t stop believing. There’s always light in the tunnel, just keep on walking.
*life dump ends*
Re: Life dump. - Thu Jun 14, 2018 5:39 pm
We are also trying to get a disability lawyer going. We have one who is suppose to call us. That has been suppose to be happening for a few months now. Ugh this stuff takes for ever. Our income problems is a struggle. And by our I mean me and my husband and our 2 yr old. We live with my husbands dad. It was the mom too but she divorced him making income even harder.