Light discussions: Structured but not too serious.

happily child free

childfree means you do not want children so you do not have any, adopt any or foster, etc. (doesn't count if you sponsor a child with a charity)

i'm quite happy being this way and my husband is, too. he is on the fence though and was like 'yeah i kinda want kids in the future' but after we got our dog he was like 'hell no i don't want kids' :satisfied:

anyway... anyone else childfree? how often do ppl harass you about when you're gonna have kids or not?

Re: happily child free

I'm not entirely sure that I would count myself completely in a childfree-for-life category yet, but the topic has been on my mind recently.

Within my friendgroup, my bf and I have been together the longest, but we're not exactly close to anything like marriage or family planning.
But regardless, it's something one ought to think about, I suppose. I don't see myself having children in the near future and thinking about it just creates an uneasy feeling in me. I feel like there's no real "pros" to having a child for me? Like it'd be a huge and irreversible limitation of my personal freedom. The idea that I'll have to schedule my free time around when a child sleeps or needs to eat or whatever just makes me feel uneasy. The idea that I'll have a human being stuck to me, that'll always be X years less developed/emotionally grown than me, having to watch them make mistakes to learn things I know since I made those mistakes, too and feeling like they know better regardless... it doesn't seem fun.
I feel like I need time for myself if I see friends more than 2 or 3 times per week, especially with those that demand more attention, so I can't imagine the social stress of having a person rely on me for all their social needs for a couple of years...

I understand the idea of wanting pass on genes and wanting someone to take care of me when I'm old but... that's no reason for me to create a human being??? Like, damn, I can save money to get into an old folks home with what I'd be spending on a child, probably...

I wonder if some of it is due to my fears of underperforming, thinking I'd be inadequate, so I am afraid to even try. I do think I'm a very loving person and one quite capable of organising and planning, so surely I'd be able to make time for privacy and be kind and warm and nurturing to a child... but something in me isn't open to it yet.
I don't feel like an adult yet, I don't feel like living for more than just me yet... so for now, that's my stance.

Luckily, due to the early stage of our relationship (3 years) we don't get bothered a lot. Occasionally relatives who've recently had children will tell us how fulfilling it is and how it changes everything for the better, but at least on my side I've got a buffer since my sister is 5 years older and has no children yet ;P

The pet (cat or dog) thought has come up for me at times, but due to work times and living space, I don't feel like I could care for a pet well enough now. So I sure as shit couldn't for a child :joy:

Re: happily child free

there's no real pros for me either when it comes to having human children but my in laws keep going 'WHEN R U HAVING KIDS' despite me very vocally saying 'we are not'

Re: happily child free



I'm at the moment childfree (as in literally not having kids) BUT I'm not willing to be childfree my entire life. I'm just waiting, impatiently, for a partner to share the troubles of childraising with. Not that willing to do it on my own.

Only wanting it these days due to my friends moving on in their lives and me still being stuck, childless + partnerless.

BUT I knew a couple of girls who truly wanted to be childfree forever. They actually had surgery to prevent them ever from getting pregnant.

They had troubles though. Like: finding a doctor actually willing to do the operation. No one wanted to do it to 2 out of 3 girls I know. The only reason the third girl was allowed to get an operation was because she had an illness and she needed the surgery.

The other 2 were very annoyed that they didn't get the surgery to take everything out and they went: "BUT NOW WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY MONTH WHEN WE WILL NOT CHANGE OUR MIND!"

If I remember correctly, one of them actually told the doctor: "then you're going to pay for the anti-child shots and all my sanitary products that I need to use whenever I get my period"

Anyways, they're perfectly happy as far as I know. No regrets. No changes in their mindset.

I guess it's something you need to chose for, and I think more and more people are chosing that path. And I get it. Who wants to raise kids in this society and I'm scared to death of giving birth to a kid myself.

Oh well. Everyone makes their own choices and have to live with those choices -nods- And no one has the right to FORCE you into other choices.


Re: happily child free

oh my god yes it was such a pain in the ass to finally get my doctor to agree to sterilizing me

her resort? 'we can do tubal ligation but not a hysterectomy' i just want my uterus out!!

Re: happily child free

I knew I wanted to be childfree since I was a young child. Honestly, I never wanted to have a partner and marriage either. I never dated and never felt that kind of "pull" to do so. I have always been happily pursuing some kind of knowledge, art and curiosity of some sort or another. There really is nothing that a partner, marriage or children could ever give me that the world itself has not already.

As a result, most people in my family and so forth has been telling me that it will change; as you get older and wiser and understand how the system works then you will want to start having children before time runs out on your biological clock. I always wondered what kind of positive experience and the kind of system they think it takes for someone to alter a life choice they always felt was personally right for them. It is not as if I preached to the world that everyone should do what I am doing. Humanity would die off if everyone felt the way I do. :sweat_smile:

Now that I am getting closer to 30, some have finally decided I am a lost cause and are now being pushy with my younger sister. Others have decided I need to "grown up" and start planning for a partner, marriage and children. As if someone cannot possibly have a truly happy and fulfilled life without such.

When I was in my older teenager years and everyone was at the peak of being so demanding about it, I had considered adoption since so many children are homeless, abused and such but I never felt that kind of path was the right one either. I love seeing people healthy and successful. I just do not feel that having children or adopting children is ever going to be the right kind of way for me to demonstrate it.

It probably does not help that I have a terrible problem with GERMS! From my elementary school days and up to present day, I hate when I am around some infectious person. I either always get what they have or am cleaning up after them. If I had children, that would automatically triple in awareness and clean up. :grimacing:

Re: happily child free

oh man the only thing worse then 'when are you having kids' is 'when are you gonna start dating someone?' uuuuuuugh my god

at least with kids it's like 'oh they're not ready' BUT WITH PARTNERS it's like 'what makes this person so undesirable?! why aren't they like normal people?'

god fucking HELP YOU if you're lgbt!!!

Re: happily child free

Wishing for sunnier skies and brighter times . . . ☀* °

I'm childfree, for now, i would probably be open to having children in the future, if i can... I'm taking certain medication for my stomach (since i was always nauseous and this is the only thing that helps, it's kind of experimental) and one of the side-effects is becoming infertile. I don't want that to happen, but i also can't stop with the medication. So we'll see what the future brings. :sweat_smile:

Re: happily child free

I'm also child-free.
I don't hate kids by any means. I think they're alright (for short periods of time and/or from a distance) but that does NOT mean I want to have any for myself.
I have nothing against other people wanting and having children (as long as they can and will properly take care of their kids), but the idea of having kids myself never quite felt right to me.
I'm nearing my 30's and trust me, I've heard it all before. Everything from the condescending "You'll change your mind" or "You just need to find the right partner" to the weirdly upset-sounding "How can you not want kids?! Babies are so cute!"
Sure, babies can be cute. You know what else is cute? Countless other baby mammals. Babies are cute. So are lion cubs. That doesn't mean I should have (or want) either one.

That might come off as snarky, but it can be annoying to be an adult and for people to not treat you like one simply because your life choices (that aren't doing any harm) aren't the same as their life choices.

I do, however, wish the best for those out there who do have or want children.
My sister, for example, DOES want to have kids some day, and I love the idea of one day maybe becoming an aunt.

Re: happily child free

Child-free for life aw yeah :dollar:
I'm one of those people who has literally never wanted kids ever. My goals in life were always get rich, own lots of cats, and live deliciously. (The rich part has not happened YET. A Goat can dream though)

The older I get though the more I hear "But what if your husband wants kids!!" "Goat how can you NOT want to be a mom? Parenthood is the BEST" "But Goat, women are SUPPOSED to have kids". And so forth.

Like, I'm not even married. Or in a relationship. I'm also bi so there's a good chance I won't even end up with a guy.

Fortunately I'm on birth control for health issues so it's not a worry anyway. Which those health issues are getting worse so I'm gonna be seeing a new doctor for that soonish (hopefully next month)
Really hoping they'll finally give me the hysterectomy I've been asking for for..... years now :sob:

I'm am lucky that my family isn't really bad about harassing me for kids. Comes up every once in awhile but for the most part everyone's just like "Well Goat you never know if you'll change your mind but yeah ok it's not looking likely"

No kids= more money= Goat continues to LIVE DELICIOUSLY :goat:

Re: happily child free

I don't want children. Don't get me wrong, I like kids.
But I've also worked with kids, and I've seen how much responsibility it is, and how much they take after their parents whether the parents mean them to or not.
I'm not sure I'd be a good role model for a kid.

And with my issues, it would be selfish of me to birth a child, knowing it might very well inherit my ailments. I could also adopt, but that brings us right back to the issue with responsibility and kids "inheriting" one's personality traits.
I don't want to be that responsible for another person.

I don't even have a cat atm because it would mean I'd have to get home and feed it and empty the box every day, and I'm just not ready to give up that freedom.

Plus, I also feel like it would be better for a kid to have more than one adult in its life, and seeing as I'm eternally single...

All in all, it's very unlikely that I'll ever meet the criteria I've set for good parenting, and I wouldn't feel right raising a child until I do.

My mother has been teasing me and my sisters a bit, saying she wants grandparents, but we all basically told her she's probably not gonna get any,

Re: happily child free

I do have a child, but all three of my younger siblings (22, 19, 16) have said they don't and I think that's perfect too. I'm constantly shocked by the judgement I hear, and then if someone does change their mind (which is perfectly reasonable) the I told you so's are annoying as fuck, and they aren't even directed at me =/

"Well, actually, I kinda meant her too," Nancy rep[…] o[…] i[…]

Ooh, conventie klinkt tof! Mede weer een reden om […]

Help us keep Roliana alive and running!