Serious and in-depth debates and discussions

Single parent families/two parent daycare??

Do not misunderstand this discussion. This is not just about any family unit that is run by one parent. Being a single parent is not a bad thing at all.
Things happen, you had a partner and it didn't work out and you have your child.
That's fine.

I came across a video on youtube. It was a film about the future where a company has this program to raise your children so you can come back to work. Basically you hook your baby up to a monitor and on the computer two A.I that look like you raise your child. Teach them everything. With this program they can learn multiple languages, math, very advanced learning. Of course by the end it was realized this wasn't the way, and what cost is it to leave your child in the care of someone else just so you BOTH can work?
Now take in mind, this couple had a nice house income and could more than afford for one to be at home with the child and the other work.

So of course in the comment section a discussion started.
People compared this to daycare.

So here are my thoughts.

If you are married, both working WHY would you even have a child if neither one of you will be there to take care of it? If you are in a situation where that isn't possible, perhaps wait to have the child. If it just happens it happens. But I find it...slightly irresponsible.

Now for the single families. You had a child with someone and they left, that's more than fine. Daycare cannot be helped, you HAVE to work.


What annoys me, is these single women who decide they don't need a man or anyone. They can do it all themselves. They have a baby, and just dump them in daycare while they work. That child doesn't get the attention it needs, there are so many other children in daycare it's impossible to make sure they all get everything they need.
"Oh I'm independent. I take care of my baby." you do not. You do not take care of your baby, daycare does. And you spend your entire check, just to pay for daycare to watch your child.

I personally think you shouldn't have kids, or think about having them until you know for sure your baby gets the ATTENTION and love it needs. One partner works the other stays home.

Of course I am excluding single parent house holds that ended up that way later. It cannot be helped, it's not like you PLANNED to have the baby in that situation.

I have my problem with the ones who plan it, and then just rely on daycare to take care of what they themselves should be taking care of.

Your thoughts?
Should day care be only for the single parents that actually NEED it? Should it have restrictions on who goes in based on income? (Low income goes in)
If you decide to watch the video, what are you thoughts on the video itself? Do you think a reality like that is possible in the future?
Do you think it WOULD happen?
Would people go for it?

Re: Single parent families/two parent daycare??

people have kids for all kinds of bullshit reasons, the biggest one being because it's expected of a couple to have children and 2nd is probably because they think it'll make the relationship better

day care is necessary in a world where paid maternity / paternity leave is almost nonexistent or only lasts a month, tops
and it's no longer feasible for most people to be single income anymore. it's not fair for one parent to do all the work with a child and receive no income or compensation for it. day care also provides guaranteed socialization for toddlers who otherwise may not get to go out on play dates often because of weather, illness, etc

whether a child gets enough TLC in day care depends on the size and quality of the day care. of course richer families could just rent a nanny to permanently live in (sometimes called an au pair) so why would they bother with day care anyway?

the traditionalist approach to child rearing in the 21st century is a bit outdated because that's not our world anymore. if we don't work we starve. if we don't work we are homeless. we die of sickness.

children suffer because of it! not having parents home to care for them fucking sucks, you're not wrong. in a perfect world a single parent works and the other gets PAID LEAVE until the kiddo is old enough to go to school (5 or 6 here) more or less

but it's really not fair to posit that it is the fault of the single mother who thinks she don't need no man. that sort of punishes women who don't stay in relationships they're not happy in. we do what we gotta do to survive

ultimately i agree: don't fucking have kids. period. like, ever. at all. no. stop. if you cannot afford to adopt a kid you cannot afford to have one.

this also bleeds in to reproductive rights and in my country we are not kind to people who want to abort or prevent pregnancy. sometimes we are literally forced by the law to carry to term and at that point you're expected to keep the baby and ostracized if you don't

but take my thoughts with a grain of salt. I'm not gonna lie to you i'm more or less an anti natalist and I hate being around or seeing babies and pregnant people due to my tokophobia and the idea of being forced to care for a baby I don't want makes me legitimately suicidal

I refused to hold my infant niece for like the first 2 years of her life, I still love her obviously but i was like NAH. I WILL NOT HOLD THAT BABY. NOOOOOOO

the kind people who work in day care are angels
the shitty ones who abuse children in day care should probably be hanged
Bringing abortion to the table that's a whole new discussion in itself.

Honestly, if it can't be helped that someone becomes pregnant they should be able to give the child for adoption without being singled out in any way. In a perfect world that would be the case.

I know of one angel out of 4 different women that had to be fired from the daycare my son goes to. Not really my choice he goes but eh.

Socialization is also another topic. Children can get that without daycare. Be involved with other mothers and set up playdates. There are online sites and places for just that.
You can argue school gives the socialization they need too.

I never meant to say a single woman who doesn't think "she needs no man" <<< Take that saying for a grain of salt.
HERE is what makes no sense.
A strong independant woman wants a child. She has said child alone, and realizes it's a lot more expansive than planned. Not only that, soon she becomes a slave to working to pay for the daycare. Paying to be able to work to get the money to pay to be able to work. She decided she didn't need help of any sort and because of that, the child is in daycare all day << Besides the point.
The mother comes home, most likely is tired stressed. Dinner, and bedtime. Repeat. THere isn't much bonding going on. There isn't much change. Daycare, work, eat, sleep.

Here is what makes sense.
A woman who has worked, saved and knows what it means to take care of a child. Is willing to accept help and or has someone to help her watch either a nanny or whatever. Still works yes and may not spend all her time with the child, but the child is generally getting the attention and learning it needs one-on one- basis.

The world has changed more or less because there is divorce. (NOT saying divorce is bad, do not misunderstand)
People can split up. We still have children, but can split up.

That is what created the everyone must work ethic. That and a mixture of money changes, government (Depending on what country you are in.)

Also the ammount of jobs and what kind of jobs. Either way, it doesn't make sense to have a child unprepared at all.

Surprises happen yes. But even with those surprises you should be able to take care of it. Or somewhat expect it I mean come on.

At least in the united states. BIRTH CONTROL IS FREE. <<<< No excuse for unwanted pregnancy. Unless your literal birth control has failed, no excuse. EVEN getting the implants are free, it's birth control. Implants last years.

Another issue all together.
Wow so I did not realize tokophobia is an actual thing. Which is great for me because I definitely have that and have always had trouble trying to explain that to people :weary: Yay for learning new terms!

More on topic though, I work retail in a low income area so I've seen a bunch of sides on this issue. Important to note though: in some instances is actually cheaper to stay and home with the kids than send them to daycare. Like, one of the guys I work with has three kids (the oldest of which is nonverbal autistic. correct me if I'm terming that wrong), and he and his wife did the math and it came out cheaper for her to stay home than for them to send all three kids to daycare.

On the flip side though, I do see many, many couples where both people have to work as mentioned because I mean. A lot of jobs don't pay enough for ONE person to survive, much less 2 or more with kids.

I mean I won't lie, I see people my age (almost 30) with 5 or 6 kids and I'm just like "NO. STOP. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS THAT'S TOO MANY KIDS."
And they're on welfare and food stamps going "Oh lol kids are great. They make me broke and I absolutely can't stand them half the time BUT KIDS ARE A BLESSING, DON'T YOU WANT KIDS GOAT?"
No. No I sure don't :scream_cat:

.....I think I lost my original train of thought somewhere in there. Short summary being I get why some people HAVE to do daycare but just. Really. Stop having kids people. You do not have a "legacy to continue". STOP.

(but again. don't want kids so I'm very biased :smirk: )

* note because I saw Shinko post again after I typed all that. Birth control is actually not always free because I do know people who have to pay for it. Depends on the area you're in maybe? Dunno, mine's free so I'm grateful for that. Not an excuse for people really, but just saying.

Re: Single parent families/two parent daycare??

yeah whether or not birth control is free in the united states depends on a lot of things
and it depends on what form of birth control you need

I had enough foresight to go ahead and get the IUD that lasts like 10 years and I've had it for 3 but it can still fail and that makes me paranoid as fuck, so my husband and i still use condoms

and yeah @goat tokophobia is the worst cuz i just wanna be able to exist in the same place as pregnant people and not feel my skin crawl
Birth control isn't free in the United States for a lot of people. The greediness of capitalist America would not be happy if meds were free. We're more like red, white blue and green.

Also I don't think daycare necessarily means that you can't raise your kids or your kids will not receive your attention. You're not working 24/7 365 days. People bitch about parents needing help via WIC or food stamps but then people bitch about those who put children in child care. Which do you want? Parents who can't afford to make ends meet or parents who support themselves but obviously can't bring kids to work? I'm a dock worker using a forklift to load shipping pallets into long haul trucks. I clearly cant bring my kids there. Also, if you're putting your kid in childcare, it's about the same hours as school on average. Is putting your kid in school meaning they don't receive any of your time? That argument is the weirdest thing I have ever heard. If you mean a nanny, I agree. Daycare, clearly not. Nannies are a weird concept to me. Why have a kid and hire someone to raise it?
I got lucky that my wife works nights and I work days. While it puts a strain on the relationship between us, it's convenient because my youngest is almost two. She watches the kids while I work and vice versa.
Daycare also provides jobs for people but everyone bitches about jobless people. Y'all can't have it both ways.

Clearly I don't mean disrespect. You're entitled to your opinion but I find it a bit strange. But then again, I see it differently because my life is different than yours.

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